You May Have Friendships All Wrong
Friendships are like any relationship. They have ups. They have downs. They require a version of balance unique to each relationship. Over the course of your friendship, there will be times when the scale is tipped a little in your favor when you need more from them, and there will be times when the scale is tipped in their direction and you need to give a little more. But what about those friendships that aren’t balanced at all. You know the ones. The friends that are always taking and never giving. Friendships should not make you compromise your happiness for the happiness of those around you.
Those are not 'kind' friendships.
We may have friendships all wrong. In today’s society we feel ever so forced to have friendships with lots of people. Or just because you’ve been friends with someone for [insert a large number]+ years we have to stay friends with them even if we have to force it. Just because they are a part of your history doesn’t mean you need to save a spot for them in your future.
Here are some truth bombs about friendship to help lead you to better quality connections:
- You should not feel resentment towards a friend. You should feel loved, appreciated, and supported.
- You should not sacrifice your happiness for theirs. You can both be happy.
- You should not dread wanting to see or talk with them. You should be elated.
- You should not be doing most of the work. They are equal parts in this with you.
- You shouldn’t rely on your friend to feel a certain way. The power is in your hands and your hands only to spark the feeling inside you want.
- You should not have to talk or see them almost every day to keep a friendship going. Some of the best ones only talk a few times a year.
- You should not even feel the need to back stab one another. You should be on each other’s team. Stand up for one another.
- You should not disagree on everything. You should have some common belief systems.
- You should not drag each other down. You should lift each other up.
- You should not feel drained after spending time with them. You may feel tired or exhausted but fulfilled at the same time.
While the quality of the friendship is important, the quality of the person is important as well. You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Take a second to think about the friends (or people in general) that you spend the most time with. Do they lie a lot? Are they lazy and unmotivated? Are they negative? Do they hate everything? Are they unsupportive? Do they believe their experience is for everyone? Do you find yourself apologizing to people about how they act? Do they always want to talk about themselves? Do you know a lot more about their life than they know about yours? These may be some things that you want to avoid in someone you spend time with.
Surround yourself with people that will push you to be better than you were yesterday. Surround yourself with people that will ask you the uncomfortable questions you need to heal and grow as a person but who asks them in a positive way. Things like ‘Why are those your goals?’ and ‘Is that really going to lead you to happiness?’.
The hard truth is that people change and the dynamic of relationships change even if the people don’t. And that’s ok! Ultimately, you know in your heart and in your soul whether it’s time to walk away from a friendship. Here’s one very important thing to remember: know that you are worthy, even when friendships end. Letting go of a friendship doesn’t mean you are giving up or that you don’t care about that person or the memories you have together. It means that you are loving and honoring yourself and you are also loving and honoring that person. You are setting yourselves free. You will still always cherish the good times you had and move on with your life in the direction of your dreams.